Sober

By: Kelly Clarkson

Album: My December

And I don’t know
This could break my heart or save me
Nothing’s real
Until you let go completely
So here I go with all my thoughts I’ve been saving
So here I go with all my fears weighing on me

Three months and I’m still sober
Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers
But I know it’s never really over

And I don’t know
I could crash and burn but maybe
At the end of this road I might catch a glimpse of me
So I won’t worry about my timing, I want to get it right
No comparing, second guessing, no not this time

Three months and I’m still breathing
Been a long road since those hands I left my tears in but I know
It’s never really over, no

Wake up

Three months and I’m still standing here
Three months and I’m getting better yeah
Three months and I still am

Three months and it’s still harder now
Three months I’ve been living here without you now
Three months yeah, three months

Three months and I’m still breathing
Three months and I still remember it
Three months and I wake up

Three months and I’m still sober
Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers

 
I wish that song was out then. Back during my college days. I really think that song fits my feelings when I was so hung up with one guy. But I guess no words can express my feeling then. I was blinded and disillusioned and heartbroken when I realized that he couldn’t reciprocate my feelings. To him, I’m just a friend. For me, my whole world is him.

 
I still remember like it was yesterday. Every time he has problem, he’d confide in me. He used to tell me he was really glad that he has me in his life. I could only smile in reply. I can still recall that I’d go into hysterics every time he texted me and found myself with a zero load balance.

 
We used to go out just to talk. And talk.  And talk some more. I’ve learned so much about his past and his family. And I finally understand why he acted like a loner in our school. The reason he doesn’t have a lot of friends. Why his smile is a rare event like waiting a rain during summer. I guess that’s why I as drawn to him. Well, couldn’t blame a girl falling for the mysterious type of guy who looks so hot even if he’s clad in his pajamas.

 
How can someone bare his soul to a person whom he doesn’t love? I was confused back then. I cry myself at night wondering, what if I’ve summoned all the courage that was in the air and tell him what I felt? I vowed to myself that I would tell him what I feel before we graduate. But I never got the chance. We drifted apart. And to top of it all, I’ve learned he’s got himself a girlfriend whom he has met during one of our subjects. While we, have been friends for a year. I decided to let go. I was mature enough to realize that it was futile to hope he’d come into his senses and realize that it’s me whom he wanted and not that simple girl he’d just met. I was 18 then.

 
But it still didn’t stop me from crying buckets of tears each night. Or try dialing his number at night just to hear his voice. Or stalk him and his girlfriend. (Scene: I’ll show up at the canteen where they were having snacks, although I know that the food there sucks. I’ll sit from across their table and try to make him notice me.) *sighs* Those were the old, silly, stupid days.

 
And I was right when I told myself back then that that would be a silly chapter in my life. That whenever I need a good laugh, I’ll just remember it while I try not to choke up myself while laughing. Kelly Clarkson really stirred up my memory with that song.

 
FYI, it was more than three months for me. Try more than half a year….